it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
