He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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