Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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