perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
