is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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