I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
