farters have to be the big spoon...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
