Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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