New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
