this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
COCAINE IS GR8
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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