They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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