So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
