I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
