Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
