i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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