Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
