I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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