I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You took a bar mat shot.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
