My sheets look like a crime scene.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
