I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
