This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
