Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
