My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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