I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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