Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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