it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Pants are for mortals
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
