is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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