I wish my penis had an off switch
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
