This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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