it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
