Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize