Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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