Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
