i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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