GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize