remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
we're so committed to being not committed
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize