never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
