im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize