i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
