Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
