you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
