nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
