Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
