I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
