i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
