I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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