is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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