Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
