I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
