everyone is single if you try hard enough
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My vagina just recognized that song.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
