we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
