it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
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I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
MIDGETS
????
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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