My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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