I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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