i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
