What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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