I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Never underestimate the power of titties
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
