I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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