I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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