She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
