eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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