Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize