I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
