so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
