I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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