maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
