Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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