I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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