man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
