I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
