'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
