i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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