yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize