Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
